Walk through the aisles of any bookstore, or down the pathways of life, and it will be clear that drama is built from conflict and resolution, and that people are often seeking love or longing for help. Personal memoirs and self-help books are among the most popular. It is a truism that people must overcome a personal crisis before they can write about it coherently, and they need considerable writing talent to step away from their hard experience to produce a work of literary interest.
           Both Eileen DeClemente and Lynne Epstein can already tell about people who have been moved and helped by reading their books. The personal crises they faced were different in cause, scope and outcome. Eileen's problems were physical and psychological and took years to confront and correct. Lynne's troubles lasted a year, were relational and psychological - and bore the potential for physical harm - but she also needed to find and use new strengths.

I don't deserve to be happy I had thought to myself. I knew that it was time to go back to feeling miserable and unhappy. It was like someone had switched the light off to my childhood, to my happiness. That was the day I lost hope.
                                                  -from Alive!

          Eileen DeClemente's book is entitled "Alive! - a courageous story of addiction, true love and forgiveness". She is one of eight children of an abusive alcoholic mother and a beloved, protective father. The abuse outweighed the protection. Eileen had her first drink at age 11, and later began to abuse prescription drugs until she was taking about eighty pills a day in addition to drinking. Self-destructive actions of both Eileen and her husband Curtis continued for about twenty years, as they raised two daughters. It was only after the family moved to Corning, NY and Eileen's addictions became more widely known - and after a severe warning from her doctor and Curtis telling the local pharmacies to not serve her - that she joined Alcoholics Anonymous, went through detoxification and rehabilitation.
           In a departure for OFF THE PAGE, Bill Jaker pre-recorded the interview with an author. Eileen and Curt and daughter Missy spoke with him at DeClemente's Restaurant on Market Street in Corning. This was done out of consideration for Eileen's current condition, for she has been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's. She is lucid and lively in the interview and feeling more hope than her family has experienced in a long time. But her medical care, now under the direction of a specialist in geriatric addiction, is complicated by the lingering effects of her earlier drug use.

I feel like I have been hit by a truck! Even though Lance has taken his personal ads off the Internet, he is continuing his communication with other women. His statement defines his character. He has a "need" to communicate with them at the present time. In addition, he is referring to our relationship as a "situation"
                                        - from Subtle Deception

          There have long been indirect ways of nurturing a romantic relationship: personal ads in the paper, love letters, secret gifts. Early telegraph operators were known to fall in love by wire. But the present age has made instantaneous intimacy (or the appearance of such) easy. The Internet is replete with meet-up

TheJakerblog conversations with Bill Jaker

groups, chat rooms and websites like this or this or this one [random samples, not endorsed by WSKG or anyone connected with it].
           Sometimes things work out; given the world-wide nature of the Web often nothing serious comes of it. But since people may feel a need to check their e-mail as frequently as they wash their hands the messages may keep gaining their attention. It may become difficult to wash your hands of the whole affair.
           In her book "Subtle Deception", subtitled "A woman's struggle to let go of an Internet relationship", Lynne Epstein is frank about her need to have a man in her life. Thrice married and divorced she doesn't want to make the same mistakes again and feels she has found the right guy when she encounters "Lance" [not his real name]. He seems like a solid, prosperous and religious person. He lives about four hours away in New Jersey, and they plan to meet.
           Then Lynne discovers that Lance is also corresponding with other women, he is married and estranged from his wife, is self-centered and inattentive. Lynne is often upset but feels a kind of dependence. They both seem a bit adolescent, wondering if they are truly "in love". After some happy moments together but many misadventures Lynne decides to break up with Lance, but it is difficult to terminate a relationship that comes through a computer. Lynne tried to block his e-mails but he simply changed his screen name.
          "Subtle Deception" is told through Lynne's personal recollections and through the actual text of their e-mails - complete with too many :-} smileys. In an epilogue she writes, "What I learned from this experience is how much we rationalize what we do in life to satisfy our hunger."
           Lynne Epstein joins Bill Jaker on the live portion of the broadcast. To join in the conversation call during the 1:00 PM hour to 888/359-9754, or post a comment to WSKG.Radio@Gmail.com.